The following is a short reflection on my life.
I looked forward to growing up when I was young. Getting to the next stage of life sounded exciting and fun (more independence!) even though I was never sure I’d be alive long enough to enjoy life. I had no reason to think that, however, I was just aware I could die at any time. So aware, in fact, that when I was six I figured living to sixteen (and thus nearly tripling my lifespan) was about all I could hope for.
Despite my funny tendency to think I would die soon, I always hoped I’d get old enough to have my own car, be married, and one day have children, and then after that I wasn’t sure what I would want to do with my life. At the age of six it was pretty hard to imagine life after children were all grown up. Quite honestly, it still is hard to imagine what the years ahead will look like (full of kids and laundry probably), but I realized lately that I can look at my life and consider myself a grown up. And that’s pretty cool.
Being a kid was fun, but being an adult is even better. Now I get to spend my time creating a home with my husband, attending school and reading new books, and inviting friends over for dinner and game nights. And writing this blog post in peace and quiet while watching a candle flame flicker.
Maybe one day I’ll understand why it seems like grown ups despair of being grown ups and want to go back to being children, but I don’t miss being a kid. I’ve enjoyed (almost) every stage of life, except maybe being a middle schooler. I had this really ugly magenta fleece headband that I wore at least once a week, always combined with a t-shirt (usually black or green) worn over a turtleneck (either gray or hot pink). It was not a good look, and twelve year old me did not care.
It was practical though, and if there’s one thing about me that’s consistent, I’m always practical. These days you can spot me navigating the muddy college campus of George Fox in a pair of sturdy rubber boots and a rain jacket. After wearing through two pairs of boots in two years, I finally bought some quality boots and they’ve already made it through two years of all my trekking. I’m hoping to get at least two more years out of them before I need new winter shoes.
The next big step in my life is getting to have kids, and I’m really looking forward to it. My grandma keeps warning me that life is pain, and the pain just gets worse. My friends keep warning me that having kids is hard work. I’m aware, but that won’t stop me from looking forward to life or kids. My philosophy is that life is worth living through the pain of it. Pain almost seems like a right of passage, as part of the human experience.
College is another one of those rite of passage things, and I’ve just about finished my degree in computer science (with a minor in writing and completion of the GFU honors program). I’m obligated to add the second half because I think that computer science is only half of what I’ve completed in college.
While I finish school, I’m supposed to be thinking about what kind of career I want and what kind of “angles” I can spin on my life and what I believe to market myself to a job market that is supposed to become a specialist market. Yesterday I took a quiz only to learn I’d make a great psychiatric care nurse, copywriter, or systems programmer. So at least I have some flexibility in career paths, eh?
No matter what happens in the near or far future, I will be looking forward to experiencing as much life as God has given me. And hopefully that future involves many, many children.