I love reading marriage advice. Some of it is laughably bad, but a lot of times it can be very uplifting. It’s always great to be reminded to thank my husband, or to have a cozy candlelit conversation, or to remember that we can rely on each other for help.
There are a couple things I've heard that have really stuck with me. The first one was from a 1960’s relationship advice video on how to argue. I remember watching lots of these videos because I had no idea what to expect with a husband, because my own parents had a messy divorce and I had heard many of their arguments. It was incredibly relieving to find this video and realize that there’s a difference between arguing with the intention to figure out what the problem is, and arguing with the intention to hurt one another.
Handling Marital Conflicts (1964)
Another piece of advice that’s really stuck with me is a warning: women have a particular tendency to be controlling. This wasn’t my favorite piece of advice, but while reading the book it was in I realized that the examples of being controlling were things I hadn’t even thought about. For example, let’s say I ask my husband to do something for me, wait a few minutes, and then do it myself. I’m telling my husband with my actions that I don’t trust him to get things done!
I’ve done this by accident several times, and believe me, it is not a good look. I’ve learned that if I'm going to ask Nathaniel to do something, I need to do something else that won’t interfere with his task until he has time to finish what I asked him to do. Furthermore, I’ve learned that I need to be aware of how my actions affect my husband.
One final piece of advice that I picked up (but I forget where) is that if I’m sensing something is off, I need to look at my own attitudes and actions first before I get upset and find something wrong with my husband. In marriage, we are mirroring each other, just like in any other relationship (remember that phrase ‘you are who you spend time with’?), but in a marriage mirroring well is really important.
For example, if I just want to have a lazy day one day, and the next, and the next, and the next, nothing is going to get done and the chance that I convince my husband to do the same thing is high! Instead, we both need to lead by example for the benefit of each other and our marriage. If I’m cheerful and take care of my responsibilities, the likelihood of having a happy husband who takes care of his responsibilities is a lot higher.
I like this advice because it reminds me that marriage is about more than just my feelings, which can be easy to get all wrapped up in. Marriage is about me wanting the best for my husband, and him wanting the best for me, and without that mutual caring we won’t have a very successful marriage.